We here at Whats Icing Dot Com understand just how important it is these days to keep a steady stream of #content flowing into the mouths of needy consumers. You have to humanize your product so that people will spend at least half their paycheck on new jerseys and cute beer koozies and season ticket plans and such.
As such, we’ve decided to do our part to raise #brand awareness, and have put together a list of questions NHL teams should ask players in goofy, easily shareable videos.
This is in no way a secret ploy to make our favorite teams and players do things specifically for our personal entertainment. We are just trying to help out some hard working #brands.
Okay teams, get the video cameras rolling and force your players to answer these fun and entertaining1 questions:
- Which Hogwarts house would you be in?
- If you were a hot dog, and you were stranded on a desert island, would you eat yourself?
- Which of your teammates has the cutest butt? Please provide pictorial evidence along with your answer. 2
- Will you go to prom with me?* 3
- Speaking of, what is your favorite kind of pizza? If you say pineapple then you have to find a different teammate to go to prom* with me.
- Do you agree that grapes should definitely not count as berries?
- If not, why are you wrong?
- Do you have Sidney Crosby’s phone number? 4
- I really think more hockey players would be Hufflepuffs than are willing to admit it. Why did you not say you would be sorted into Hufflepuff? 5
- Do you have something against hard work and loyalty??? 6
- What is your favorite song?
- What is your favorite song: Non-country category.
- Why have you literally never listened to a non-country song? 7
- If two trains were heading in opposite directions, one going 25 mph and one going 32 mph, after two hours why should PK Subban be the captain of the Montreal Canadiens?
- If you were a hot dog, and you were stranded on a desert island, what condiments would you put on yourself?
- What’s your favorite movie?
- Okay, now what’s your favorite movie that doesn’t have Will Ferrell in it?
- Are you capable of naming a movie that doesn’t have Will Ferrell in it?
- Did you know that Nymphodora Tonks was a Hufflepuff? There’s absolutely no shame in being a member of that fine Hogwarts house. 8
- You know what, you’re resorted. You’re a Hufflepuff now. Everyone is a Hufflepuff. 9
Higher quality photos count twice. -M ↩
*By the way, I am nearly a decade out of high school so by “prom” I mean “my house for an incredibly awkward pizza and movie night.” You’re buying the pizza. ↩
We don’t want to do anything weird. We just want to check in. Are you doing okay, Sid? Do you need anything? Is there someone you’d like me to fight? I know I’ve got noodle arms and a pastor face, but I’m determined and I’m a biter. Anyway, touch your nose if you’re okay. -M ↩
Kyle Okposo would be Hufflepuff, and I think Kyle Okposo would agree with me on that. -M ↩
Kyle Okposo doesn’t. ↩
Are you talkin shit about country music, Ella? Because that is the music of my people. My mother walked down the aisle to Tim McGraw’s “More Than A Lover,” okay. ↩
Kyle Okposo is there with you, 100%. ↩
Kyle Okposo, no longer alone. ↩